Have you ever had anyone come up to you and say you're beautiful, just the way you are. To almost randomly compliment you - for no other reason then that they believe you are. Not that they would kill for your hair - bringing the focus back on them, but just that colour brings out your eyes, or that they love how you always match patterns and colours.

The world would be a much better place if we went up to those strangers and told them what we secretly loved about them. Why? Because then they might be inspired to do something for someone else.

Random Acts of Kindness just come to mind - how back in the day (You know, when dinosaurs ruled the earth and mobile phones were, like, as big as your hand mahn!) when toll booths were manned, how someone would pay the toll for them and the person behind them. No reason. Just cause they felt like it.

How often in this timeless age do we do something for no reason, just because if we didn't someone else would have to. Like what Paul said, If someone makes you walk a mile, walk two.

Cause at the end of the day, what are people going to remember about you?

I know I'd like to be remembered as the only Bible some people are going to read ...

Truth

Even when I have NO idea what I'm doing - I have the promise that God's got my best interests at heart.

The truth? Life is a fairytale - a Grimm Faerie-tale, but with the happy ending guaranteed. If we look hard enough at every day - every hour if need be, there is a gem, a priceless treasure that he has planned for us since the beginning of time.

Whether this is just in the way the light catches a particular leaf - or just a quiet moment as the pieces from the last few days fall together - it's as beautiful as the day it would have been when first designed.
It's easy to believe that life is planned. It has a purpose. There's a reason ... blah, blah, blah.

But when you are caught up in these moments - the rest of the world just fades away slightly in comparison to the pure Glory of God.

Pain is still there - but numbed slightly. And I have good reason to believe that over time - a thousand years or so, it could be allowed to pass from memory.
Then, I suppose, eternity will truly begin.

One step forwards, ten back the way I came

Lately it's just felt like ~ how does Casting Crowns put it? ~ 'another two years older, and she's three more steps behind.' And though I suppose it gives me 'walking' practice the lack of movement is frustration.

It feels like I'm shouting out to God, and only the enemy's listening. I can't judge though, and that's the worst part. I just have to keep walking blind through the paths - trusting that this is included in the ultimate plan - arms waving blindly to prevent me running into walls. I still do though.

It's the two worlds thing again. God or ? Spirituality or Sleep? Emotionally drained or ... well emotionless. Both have consequences. One eternally, the other until then.

I can't even flip a coin. (not that I would be stupid enough to do that. I have a feeling that a higher power would be slightly biased when it comes to my future ... ;/)

The narrow road, or the wide one. I know which I'll take - my decisions haven't changed. I'm just having an unhappy rant in the hope that along the way there will be some sort of epiphany that will make this all better.

I suppose the whole thing is just finding a balance between:
1. Oh My God. God you've already done so much for me. I can't possibly accept any more from you. I mean, I wouldn't even want to put you through that in the first place.

and

2. Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. I'm in &@*# again. Help!

If anyone figures out the trick - let me know. Please ... !

Something cool I found ...

Just yesterday I found something really cool written on the inside cover of my maths book - below the half angle formula of course.
(Tan theta = 2t/1-t^2) :D

I don't know when I wrote it, just earlier on in this year when I was in a more confused frame of mind. However, the encouragement that it gave me was priceless.

I don't live in a fairytale,
I'm not the heroine of the next blockbuster.
I'm not a protagonist in any tale.
My life is not filled with heroes and antiheroes.
The nearest knight in shining armour - well someone else has dibs.
And continuing this fantasy, the miracles that will happen, they will cost a heavy price ~ my sanity.
If you want to be a prophet, get used to it.
What if I can't?
You will, I'm counting on it.

Shining

Recently 'Shining' by Jesus Culture has been stuck in my head. Or more accurately - just the tune and the chorus.

You are shining.

You are shining.

Your light surrounds me.

Your light has found me.

You are shining.

You are shining.

Your light surrounds us.

Your light has found us.

We’re ready for Your light to surround us.

You’re all we want, Jesus.

I don't know whether it's the tune, or the words, but something about the song hits me like all Melissa's do. She doesn't have a voice I appreciate, but just the passion as she sing ...

Plus - 'Your light has found us' sort of suggests to me that there was some hiding going on - an ultimate hide and seek. God always finds us though ... not fair polar bear :(

Personally I think he cheats. ;)

But anyway - sometimes cheating is good for us, as at the end of the day no matter what happens he has our best interests at heart.
And thanks for that Daddy.

Me and Jesus

If you take a few steps back, and look at the Bible from a novel form of view - who's the hero? Is it man; who's suffered this great fall but through time, determination and help can overcome sin?
Or is it this Holy figure, always behind everything, organising, developing, improving constantly on his broken creator?

Is the beauty found in the pocket watch, or it's maker designing it down to the last screw.

Is the beauty of the artwork found in it's light and shadow, or in the long, unlit corridors that the artist wandered one cloudless night.

If it isn't for shadow, light would lack shape and depth.

If it isn't for the fixing of the clock, time for it would cease to exist.

And if it weren't for this figure, just under the surface of the ocean - the Bible is no more then ancient history.

You see, if the Bible were just a book, parts like Psalm 125 would be history, a reminder of what God has done for us in the past. But with the Holy Spirit running through the pages like a lifeline, it is more then a history, a record of someone's thoughts, but this four dimensional image of what God is, what He was for them, what He is for others, and what He can be for you today.

The Bible is a promise ... the promise of a better world, a world as long as deep as high as a few thousand k's. A world where the gates aren't 'pearly', but a whole pearl.
A world where we are surrounded by people, but not alone, rather surrounded by individuals each with a story that no one can tell better then them, as they lived it.

It is a promise that whether we want his help or not, God is just on the edge of our consciousness, giving us opportunity after opportunity to live for him; just waiting for us to listen.

And it is a promise that when our world comes crashing down, we just need to listen to that small voice and remember that we only have, like, a hundred years to go ... before we can just live in a beautiful world, with a beautiful king.

There's just so much open to us, and what's standing in the way? Ourselves ...

When there's no where else to turn
All your bridges have been burned
Feels like you've hit rock bottom..
Don't give up it's not the end
Open up your heart again
When you feel like no one understands
Where you are...

Someone loves you
Even when you don't think so
Don't you know
You got me and Jesus
By your side
Through the fight
You will never be alone
On your own
You got me and Jesus

After all that we've been through
By now you know I've doubted to
But every time my head was in my hands
You said to me...

Someone loves you
Even when you don't think so
Don't you know
You got me and Jesus
By your side
Through the fight
You will never be alone
On your own
You got me and Jesus

Hold on to what we got
This is worth any cost
So make the most of life that's borrowed
Love like there's no tomorrow

Someone loves you
Even when you don't think so
Don't you know
You got me and Jesus
By your side
Through the fight
You will never be alone
On your own
You got me and Jesus

Even when you don't think so
Don't know you
You got me and Jesus
By your side
Through the fight
You will never be alone
On your own
You got me and Jesus

You will never be alone...
You got me and Jesus

~ Lyrics ... Me and Jesus by Stellar Kart

I need You to Love me ...

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run
And hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

But I need You to love me,
And I
I won't keep my heart from You
This time
And I'll stop this pretending
That I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

But I need You to love me,
And I
I won't keep my heart from You
This time
And I'll stop this pretending
That I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
~Lyrics ... I need You to Love Me by Barlow Girl

Prophesy

We're not alone ...

I think that's one of the biggest things that I am yet to realise - in this war that is.

I can be flicking through books, listening to life testimonies yet I still feel like I'm the only one who's actually trying to succeed in this life - spiritually wise.
Or rather, the only person who is trying but not succeeding.

It's one of the most effective tools that the enemy has, to isolate us, and pick us off one by one. And by keeping is attacks low key - just beyond comprehension(Strange feelings, minature episodes of depression, bumps in the night ect. ) it's easy to write it off as imagination.
And I suppose it was imagination in the beginning - just 'what if that was God there, and what would he do if it was him'. But now the experiences become difficult to explain as just my imagination - especially when I start doing what I imagine he tells me to.

The next step on this 'prophetical' journey is for the voices to become clearer, the visions more substantial.

For instance - Friday I was in a church with a few stained glass windows where the light was hitting them just right. I wondered what it would look like if the light was filled with dust, leaves, snow, all swirling out of the window. But then, these swirling leaves - as if they had a life of their own came down, in a sort of twister a little off from me. A figure formed, and beckoned me. I followed it down a dark staircase, and up it again. Then it disappeared back into the dust.

The thing is I didn't see a figure. It wasn't standing in front of me, more that I just felt it was there - in my minds eye.

The real question, is if I'm willing to do this for a figure-in-my-minds-eye-that-I-am-imagining-that-might-be-real-but-likely-isn't ... why don't I put so much effort in things that I know is real - like the Big Book?

Interesting ...

Lightning without thunder & smoke without fire

Last night there was a huge storm. I slept through the whole thing - I can sleep through almost anything. But I could see the lightning coming from a long way away, not knowing what it was.

This is the second time I have experienced God talking to me through the lightning. Not his literal voice, but more of an understanding that he will answer my questions. How ever, the 'maybe it isn't Him' always remains.

Another way of putting it - last night I was sitting on my bed, the bedroom light out, music in my ears and watching the stars. Then there were these flashes of light - the lightning. Sometimes they corresponded to my thoughts, other times they would cut off the sentence before I even knew what I was saying. Once it was even in time to the music - every few bars there would be a flash.

After about half an hour - the streetlight cut out. Now this streetlight annoys me - it shines right into my window. But the bulb blew or something, and it cut off, making the lightning much more obvious.

The reason that it confuses me so much is that this is the second time this sort of thing has happened. LAst time was a few weeks ago when a similar sort of thing happened. There was lightning - no thunder - and I told God, flash for yes.

It was just like he actually answered my questions, and it wasn't always always the answer I wanted ...

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I guess what gets me is how a person (me) can stay up late at night feel close to God or at the very least spiritual to some sense. But then in the morning it's exactly the same as the morning before.

I'm supposed to be this soldier of God - an heir. But I'm afraid that I'm just smoke without fire - without any real passion or love or drive, rather that this lack of drive is an indication of how I don't have the eternal flame burning inside.
I want to live for God, I'm ticking the box on the sheet - a 'God focused, God centred, God driven, God Only life'. And it's taking a while for the shipment to come ...

The again, there is always the alternative 'Job' situation. God promises that if we 'seek and you will find' so if we believe - it's guarenteed.

What I find interesting - is how I keep coming across texts consisting of 'you only get it if you believe you will get it' ... which was reinforced by last night. I believe that in ten years I will be a stronger christian and in 15 I might be actually close to a prophet of God (my ultimate goal:), but by tomorrow? Nu-uh!

There's this quote - a chinese proverb I think - that I have in a little collection.

'If you don't change direction you will end up where you are going'

And though at first, my reaction was 'Duuur!' over the last AGE I've kept thinking about it.

What are the requirements for getting to the next 'level' of God. I understand that God is the ultimate pace driver, but he still requires me to commit.

So, Daddy, I think I may be ready!

Creation: Day 2 & 4

Ok, and now on a happier note. Here's something interesting I learnt this morning.

Oh, and speaking of Bible Studies, they're starting to get more interesting and involved as I keep asking, which is really exciting. Especially since the way God got me out of bed this morning was like tempting a donkey with a carrot.

'Come on child .... you know you want to. I've got something special for you. :D'
'Come on ... sit up! There we go. It'll be like last night, but even better .... '

The fact that I am not a morning person - well it went out the window!

So, where was this ultimate revelation? Genesis 1, continuing from last night.

You see, I recently came across the speaker Herb Larsen, and one of my spiritual buddies gave me 2 CDs with different talks. I was listening to 'What happened at the Cross', which I recommend to ANYONE who doesn't cry when ever they see or think of the sacrifice that Jesus gave for us, just because we've been so desensitised by the Devil.

So, I heard the first few of the four part series, and from then the passion started to build even more then it's been growing over the last week since the retreat last week end.
And when I hit the Bible last night - :D

I didn't get very far, just imagining God creating light and separating waters, with the audience of Heaven and other creations.

But this morning was the big bomb.
Here's the connection I made...

^'6 And God said,
“Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.”
⁷ So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it.
And it was so.
⁸ God called the vault “sky.”
...
¹⁴ And God said,
“Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years,
¹⁵ and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.”
And it was so.
¹⁶ God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.
¹⁷ God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth,
¹⁸ to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness.
And God saw that it was good. ¹⁹
And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.
(Gen 1:6-8, 14-19)

So these are the verses for Day 2 and Day 4. The similarity I noticed for the first time is the nature of the sky. The message calls the sky, the heaven-sky which is what made me notice.

God created the 'Heavens' and the 'Earth'. I always assumed that this meant he created all of heaven, all the other creations he made before us including angels ... well before. And there was just a big gap between 'Heavens' and 'Earth'.

In other words ...
'God created the Heavens … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … ('War' in heaven occurs somewhere around here) … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … and the Earth.

But I think I was just misunderstanding what was meant by 'Heavens'.

The original Earth consisted of three 'layers', excluding the crust/mantle/core of course.

*This is according to a theory by one of my Religion Teachers a few years ago*

The first layer ~ water
The second layer ~ the sky/atmosphere
And above the atmosphere a thick layer of water which served the purpose of increasing the air pressure - allowing larger animals and humans as hypothesised the original creation was ~ I mean, even if there isn't any evidence, its a cool thought thinking man was once 10-12 feet tall ~ and it was expended in the flood.

Anyway, this theory made sense, as beyond the Earth there is space/the Heavens.



But if you really think about it, God put the 'lights' of the sky - the planets and stars in the sky. And the sky was beneath this layer of water. So really, unless at one point all the stars and planets of the solar system were within the Earth's atmosphere, which is just silly, this second layer of water is beyond Earth. Maybe it's the border of sin?

I don't know as I don't have a degree in space - and I can't really be bothered letting my theory be popped, but it means that far out there in space there's this layer of water. It could be thin, thick, it could even be the asteroid belt for all I know.

But in between this layer and Earth - all this cosmos - it still 'counts' as Earth.

And this makes God's creation even bigger then I previously thought. The sky/heavens include a lot more of the cosmos then what's obvious.

It could be completely wrong - but I thought it was an interesting twist on the story of creation.

Plus I know that a few weeks ago, I would never have come up with this theory.

God is good! :D And it was COMPLETELY worth getting out of bed this morning. :D

God bless!

Why?

I have this friend who ... well lets just say, if I regard myself as a soldier in God's army, we see her as the General (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Defence_Force_ranks_and_insignia) ... second to few.

But the irony is that she can't see it. I mean, some people have their daily battles - she has a nuclear war going around her. And she knows that.

I just remember what she said to me on school on friday; 'Why do you follow me? You'll only get hurt'. There are a few demons ~ literally~ attacking her on a daily basis.

But just before I was thinking about what that meant. And I finally understood something.
Something cool.


Jesus, why do you follow us into the darkest parts of our lives?

Why do you stand there holding out your hand while the world collapses around us?

Why do you keep your offer open, even when we are so hurting that we attack anything that comes near us?

Why do you keep coming back night after night when we keep rejecting you?

And why is your offer so much greater then we could ever earn, greater then we should be able to accept?

She never slows down
She doesn't know why but
she knows that when
She's all alone feels
Like it's all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through
everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
~ Lyrics ... Stand in the Rain by Superchick

Hear our cry, Lord, we pray
Our faces down, our hands are raised
You called us out, we turned away
We've turned away

With shipwrecked faith the idols rise
We do what is right in our own eyes
Our children now will pay the price
We need Your light, Lord, shine Your light

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out

All our hearts, all our strength
With all our minds, we're at Your feet
May Your kingdom come in our hearts and lives
Let Your church arise, let Your church arise

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out
We're reaching out

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, reaching out

We need You now
Revive us now
We need You now
~ Lyrics ...If we've ever needed You by Casting Crowns

Just spent the weekend on a spiritual retreat ... but somehow I'm more tired then when I started.

However it served it's purpose of being a spiritual revival. I've been filled with this energy, new found passion for God, along with a much deeper trust.

Looks like things are going to become interesting soon ... :D